A Cult by any other name...

My foray into the Church of Scientology.

Scientology, a religion created by a science-fiction writer.

A religious system based on the seeking of self-knowledge and spiritual fulfilment through graded courses of study and training. Developed by L. Ron Hubbard, Scientology is a religion that offers a precise path leading to a complete and certain understanding of one’s true spiritual nature and one’s relationship to self, family, groups, Mankind, all life forms, the material universe, the spiritual universe and the Supreme Being. Scientology addresses the spirit—not the body or mind—and believes that Man is far more than a product of his environment, or his genes.

We all know the rumours surrounding the empire that is the Church of Scientology. That they believe in aliens, that we are actually descendants of an alien race, that they all live together in “Bases” or “Orgs” that are often the sites of, allegedly, horrific abuse, and that their leader, David Misgavige, is an, again alleged, sociopath on a power-trip.

All of these rumours may be true, or they may be completely unfounded and the Church of Scientology is a path to peace on earth and goodwill toward men …?

All I know is that I actually know very little about the practices of the Church and their methods of recruiting new members. So I decided to find out. And having been given a ticket for a “Free Personality Test” I felt it was the perfect opportunity.

Spot the Church!

On 201 Castlereagh Street in Sydney’s CBD there is a large building with what look like Star Wars markings and an exterior unlike any other religious institution that I have ever entered. As I made my way into the main reception I was greeted by a rather regal-esque portrait of Scientology’s founder, L.Ron. Hubbard, or LRH for short. He looked down at me as I presented my ticket to the attendant who, without hesitation or question, escorted me to the test cubicles. Laid out neatly on each desk was a sharpened pencil, an answer sheet with + M – as your choices, and the question paper. 200 questions that if answered truthfully would allow you to see your ‘true self’ and identify the areas that needed urgent addressing in order to boost your ‘survival’ chances. Questions ranged from “Do you often crack wise to try and fit in?” to “Do you often find yourself reading train and bus timetables, or dictionaries for fun?” The questions were leading, and exceptionally vague at times, and it was hard to comprehend how answering a series of questions about your personality would allow you to dramatically change your life. All, however, would soon be revealed.

After answering the questions I was greeted by an oddly dressed man, let’s call him Jack. He shook my hand and asked me my name. I almost forgot that I had actually filled out the test under a fake name, given everything I had heard about the Church. So, under my guise as Harry Lane, 25-year-old insurance salesmen down on his luck, I was taken to watch a short film, on what was an enormous TV, explaining the basics of “Dianetics”, the so-called science on which the religion is based. The narrator explained how our lives have been affected by situations and experiences that we do not even know about, that our brains remember every sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch, and that all of us (except for the enlightened minority) are prisoners, trapped in our own minds, hindered by the traumas of birth and life. I could not help the feeling that the image would soon blend into a swirling vortex with a pocket watch swinging from side to side.

After the film finished Jack reappeared and informed me that my test results were in. That the computer had produced the answers to my life that I have been searching for.

We sat down in an Evaluation Booth, and the healing began. The results appear on a graph; a single zigzag line exposing your best and worst attributes and either positively or negatively marked numbers indicating just how successful or damaged you really are.

Mine made for a troubling read.

Areas that desperately needed addressing were my unstable and dispersed nature, my nervous disposition, my irresponsibility, my critical nature, and a severe lack of accord.

Areas that needed little attention were my active lifestyle (although this was marked by a cloud symbolising that my score fluctuates), my aggression, and my communication skills.

I was obviously taken aback by these results, as I have always thought of myself as a generally happy and content human being, devoid of aggression and cold-heartedness. Jack explained my results point by point, never forgetting the slogan; “Scientology can help!”

As I listened and tried to understand anything Jack was talking about I became acutely aware of his absolute certainty and belief in what he was telling me. He genuinely believed every word that came out of his mouth, and was desperate for me to believe it to. Now, he said, this is what I would recommend for you.

As the pamphlets and course guides started coming out, “read this review there” and “check out this one out, dude. That’s a really great one for you,” I couldn’t help feeling like he was attempting to sell me at my own, all be it made up, game. The revelations about my past, present, and future had become a sales pitch. And it wasn’t your typical religious pitch with a kind of ‘take it or leave it’ attitude. It was ‘this is it!’ You will take the 7 day ‘Values and Integrity Course’ for the relatively low price of $55. Remember you can’t put a price on survival. I was also prescribed L.R.H’s first piece of literature, Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health which, to its credit, was the New York Times best seller 100 weeks in a row and had sold over 20 million copies.

I got the feeling that Jack was not going to take a simple no for answer so I agreed to walk up to the counter to pay for my medications, the remedies for my life. At the counter Jack continued his pitch, informing me of how much I needed this, that my life would only continue down the same pathway of capitulations, shortcomings, and despair.

“You need these Harry. I know you need these. Your life will never get any better and you will continue to fall if you don’t start accepting that right now. Dianetics can help. Scientology can help!”

Having explained the situation a couple of times I began to feel very uneasy in the predicament in which I found myself. Apparently in Scientology no does not mean no. I have met Imams and Rabbis, priests and Mormons, and none of them have ever made me so quite so uncomfortable as I was when Jack was pushing his rhetoric onto me. Every rejection was met with more force, a more sincere, almost sinister “you need this Harry. You are doing the course and you are buying the book.”

I knew that removing myself from the situation was the only means of escape so I said goodbye and turned, half expecting a firm grip on the shoulder and black bag over my head. As I walked down the street I couldn’t help but keep glancing over my shoulder, fearful of retribution and the wrath of L.R.H from beyond the grave.

Looking back on the ordeal I can understand why the Church of Scientology has a nefarious reputation. I’m not talking about the rumours you constantly hear, but the fact that they do not take no for an answer. An admirable characteristic for a salesman, but for a religion that is trying to win you over with high-pressure sales tactics is possibly not the most advisable option. Especially when the religion in question already has such a tarnished reputation.

I can understand the appeal of Scientology, the imagery, the branding and strong marketing campaigns, the slogans and promises. I can understand why its one of the wealthiest and largest institutions on the planet.

It’s just not the religion for me.